Trials of Losing Friends - Ella G

A Guest Blog by Ella G - Instagram - Give her a follow!

Starting university is difficult, you start to meet new people – in your halls, your lectures and in the weekend job you got to save you from your overdraft (it didn’t). Some of these new friendships feel amazing, so easy and fun, but others feel forced. Often, I found myself feeling homesick at uni, and longing for the next squad night out back in St Helens. However, knowing that your friends will all be back together for a Nando’s reunion in the Christmas Holidays trumps all the sadness and ensures you never feel alone. 

Everyone knows this. Friendship is beautiful, having people you can depend on, who you love to death and spent the seemingly most important years of your teenage life with is great! Something people never talk about though, is how you feel when those friendships start to break down. Suddenly you’re back from uni, and the people who were always there for you aren’t there anymore – they’re busy, you pissed someone off, people changed and drifted apart. Speaking from experience, losing your friends is heart breaking!  A different kind of heartbreak that blows breaking up with a boy/girlfriend out of the water – feeling lost is an understatement, especially when you lose multiple friends at once.

Losing friends at 15 was so normal, even boring – it was easy to find someone new to sit with in the school canteen. When you lose the people you grew up with, and I mean properly grew up with, it can be difficult to know what to do with yourself.

When I went through this, it all seemed so unexpected. I was distraught, and I questioned my own personality over and over. A series of events, some big and some small, led to a few of my friendships coming to an end. To be quite honest, I felt insecure. I always thought I was a good friend, a nice person – never purposefully hurting anybody. I was naïve though, and of course actions do have consequences, even if unintended.  I began to question whether I had ever been a good friend, and if I ever would be again. How was I supposed to make new friends? Would anyone even want to have a friend like me? 

Feeling lonely, I set out to find my new squad in Manchester. It was a struggle, to be honest. Of course, I made some friends, but I became so self-conscious, and worried about being a bad friend that I essentially sabotaged all my new friendships.

Its not all bad news for me, though! I still had some old friends and eventually, when I was starting to get over the friend-break-ups, I slowly started to build new friendships. I met new people, through jobs and other people at university. I now have friends that I wouldn’t change for the world, and its safe to say that, years later, all my old friends have reverted back to at least acquaintances – no bad blood here.

  

My point is, just like after a normal break-up, time is a healer. But don’t underestimate how genuinely hard it is to go through losing friends, even though it is normal and sometimes even inevitable. Your 20s are hard, and a very common time for losing friends (unless you're one of the lucky ones, like my boyfriend who has had the same friends for about 15 years). If you do find yourself struggling to make friends in your 20s, join some societies, start a new hobby, or literally just go out more. Clubs aren’t just for meeting guys - never underestimate the girls toilets!